This book ate my whole head.

I am reading The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron for a small group I just joined. I just wanted to put it out there and say the first twenty-ish pages of this are amazing. That is as far as I have gotten, in part because I read the introduction. (PS- the intro was good too.)
I have two things from the first twenty that have kicked me in the face.
First, is part of a list that Cameron says to read every day to remind yourself of basic spiritual principles of creativity. the whole list is fantastic, but this particular one made me super nervous. I actually felt my heart rate go up.

It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.

AHHHHHH! Eve typing that makes me nervous. Safe? Are you sure? I long for safety/ My lawyer husband tells me I am one of the most risk adverse people he has ever met.... and he is a lawyer. Well poop. he is totally right. I pack my carry-ons just so, so they are easily navigable in case I am suspected of carrying liquids in beyond the proper amounts, or heaven forbid the rouge nail clippers that could be stashed. Today I mentioned to him that I was considering getting an apple cozy. YES. An apple cozy. Like a tea-cozy, but for an apple so it doesn't get bruised in your bag. I thought it sounded brilliant... he gave me the amused/slightly-wierded-out-but-still-love-you look. He's so gracious with my psychosis. After lighting a match and blowing it out, i have been known to run it under the tap before throwing it in the garbage. I don't want garbage fires. I also regularly check my drug interactions online. There are a number of other things I don't stress about, but there are plenty of things I do. Just tonight I stepped outside the cross-walk lines when crossing the road, and due to a convo last night, actually said to myself out loud "ah! contributory negligence!" because if a car were to hit me when i was out of the lines... well it could be viewed as contributory negligence! I AM A MESS!

SOOOooo- when someone claims to me that something is SAFE, especially something that I know I love but that can be terrifying and soul crushing and plain hard at moments, I kind of have a freak out. There has to be some tidy painted cross-walk lines for me to walk in during my creative excursions so that I can't be hit by nay-saying and then told my negligence was contributing. SAFE!? Where's the crossing guard and the zebra walk way?

However, I get it in my head somewhere. If God is the essence and author of all creation and creativity... the true source and light... and God is in some always 'safe' (and I don't mean that in a cross walk way) or good... then it follows that opening up myself to greater and greater creativity would be safe. And good. Not to mention very moral and right. Becoming more like Christ- the God-man... source, light, creator in flesh is our calling and my destiny.

Yes, yes it is, but paint me scared anyhow.

I have learned that God's version of 'safe' is ever clearly not American and ever clearly not backed up with the type of benefits package that may or may not include dental. Safe... yes. But NOT the definition of it that we know well.

Still, I am going to read that everyday, and let it ruminate (like a cow) in my brain stomach.

*sigh*

Alright. NUMBER TWO! This was a good kick in the mouth. Not sure how that works, but I imagine is something along the lines of a kung-fu super fan getting a wicked bloody nose from his venerated hero. I have never been a super-fan, so that is pure conjecture.

Right. Well. The second moment was when reading about two of the tools for recovering creativity. One is the 'morning pages' which i am not going to explain, because it is complicated, and the other is the artist date. The quick and dirty explanation of the artist-date is going out for two hours or so and doing something that furthers your love and momentum of your art.

When this was being explained to me at our small group, our fearless leader told me "this is something you are really good at." This first off shocked me... i have a hard time admitting I am good at things and to be called out right then and there was unexpected. After it was described and what could count as that.. art exhibits, craft projects, a good walk to search for inspiration, trying something new... I realized I generally am pretty good at this.

As i read the book I think I identified why I am good at this. Cameron describes this practice as quality time spent with the thing you love. She likens it to when families our couples go to counseling and are asked "so, do spend quality time together?" This month at NCC we have been going through the LOVE series and one of the things in our resource pack at the beginning of the series was a link to take the 5 Love Languages quiz. i have tried to read that book over and over again without success. Honestly I think my main problem is that the cover is generally heinous in my mind and I feel embarrassed holding it much like i am wearing a grandma sweater. The website is MUCH more pleasing to the eye and I didn't feel as if I had wandered into the thrift store valentine section without a way out. Phew! So I took the quiz, and quality time was my top love language. When I read Cameron's description of this tool I thought "aha! that is probably why I am somewhat innately good at this. I show my love through quality time, and art is something I love." My husband and art galleries are some of my favorite things that, if i were not properly watched, I might add into a song after "girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes."

Sure, this is a pat on the back to me that my creativity is perhaps not completely blocked, and clearly, by Cameron's appraisal, salvageable at the very very least. I am determined not to take this innate good thing for granted, but kick myself into keeping doing it.

So. That's that. This course is eating my face like real Thai food spice. It burns so good.
B

Job 10

I am back reading in Job. I am terrible about this everyday stuff! I think the only thing I have been truly consistent about so far this year has been taking my daily shower. Seriously. That is how bad this not-having-a-schedule thing has become. ugh!

Anyhow...back to Job. This excerpt i thought was so lovely and amazing how it is nestled in Job's plea for God to remember that He made Job. Once again I am showing my crafty side in what sticks out to me, but I really think making metaphors are interesting!

Job 10:8 Your hands fashioned and made me,
and now you have destroyed me altogether.
9 Remember that you have made me like clay;
and will you return me to the dust?
10 Did you not pour me out like milk
and curdle me like cheese?
11 You clothed me with skin and flesh,
and knit me together with bones and sinews.
12 You have granted me life and steadfast love,
and your care has preserved my spirit.

Of these three 'making processes' in this scripture, I have experienced two to a meaningful degree... and I am betting that if you guessed which one I had not experienced from first thought you would probably be wrong. It's knitting. i don't knit.

I have however experienced both clay processing and cheese making, and these being mentioned really excites me. i feel a little bad about once again being so excited about a making metaphor in the middle of a tragic story, but these sorts of metaphors are so often lost on our lives of modern convenience.
For instance: cheese.
After living in India for a short time we realised our need for cheese beyond paneer was serious. Ian and I are good midwestern/northern stock and we love cheese. I mean... we really love cheese. this was not helped by living in Washington DC only a few blocks from Eastern Market with a fabulous cheese vendor, and then moving to London for a stay where cheeses from all over were easily available and for a price our meager student budget could easily handle. Moving to a place where cheese as we knew it was difficult to find was... well... difficult! So, when we came back to the states for what was supposed to be a short visit we decided to use our ample time to try our hands at the craft of cheese-making beginning with a simple mozzarella. Ian chronicled our cheese-making escapades at our friend Matt's foodblog.
It is a time consuming thing making cheese, but it extremely rewarding not to mention economical and fairly simple. From what I can tell, patience is the main ingredient. The curdling happens like magic. After heating and adding ingredients and stirring the soon-to-be cheese curdles mysteriously.
Even though it is really more of a chemical reaction that does most of the mork for me, i couldn't help but feel like I was accomplishing something with that cheese. It was so creamy and working it in our hands was fun and rewarding and left us with some of the tastiest mozzarella i have ever savored.
I honestly have much less of an interest in store bought mozzarella now (which is actually minutely tragic).

I think it is interesting how Job calls himself God's cheese. "Hey! Remember me?! I am your cheese! you made me! Why are letting terrible things happen to me?!"
Job gets that we are lovingly made and doesn't get why a creator would let terrible things happen to a creation.
I think that is a good question... without an answer.
B

Maximum Uh-Oh

I am currently reading Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Found by Suketu Mehta. I admit that I am barely into the book... maybe page 30... but this portrait of Mumbai is getting my goat. I think one of the reasons I am slow to move through this is all of the honestly that Mehta's narrative seems to put out there. From what i can tell, this book is a narrative portrait of Bombay (Mumbai). His writing is fantastic. I am really enjoying the style and voice... he really is a great read in that way.. but the subject is really difficult and he spares little (if any) detail to let youknow how this world works.
I imagine everyone who would ever wander upon this blog knows by now that I'm headed off to South Asia for a year so that Ian can do legal fellowship there. And if you didn't know, well there you have it. That's what I'm up to after my near 6 months of stony silence while existing in the UK. Right now I writing from the porch of our current place of staying looking out on the American street, that for some reason looks rosier every second while reading this book.
Here are some quotes that I have written down today. A lot of these things I already had in my knowledge base, but Mehta's narrative voice is really hitting these home for me at the moment.
(pg 20) "... eight thousand human beings living on a few acres of land. It is the population of a small town."
(pg 24) "India has the third largest pool of technical labor in the world, but a third of its 1 billion poeple can't read or write."
"It is an imitation of a Western city, maybe Chicago in the twenties."
(26) "... the ethic of Bombay is quick upward mobility and a scam is a short cut. ... A scam shows good business sense an a quick mind. Anyone can work hard and make money. What's to admire about that? But a well-executed scam? Now, there's a thing of beauty."
(28) "Violence in Bombay can strike very close at any time. And the present dispute, as usual, is about space..."
(29) "... air that has ten times the maximum permissible levels of lead in the atmosphere."
"Breathing the air in Bmbay now is the equivalent of smoking two and a half packs of cigarettes a day."
(30)"101 out of 100 are dishonest. Still my India is the best" (sign on the back of a truck)
(31) "I miss cold weather and white people."
"It was when I realized i had a new nationality: citizen of the country of longing."
(35) "The first world lives snuck in the center of the third."

So there you have it. What I am supposed to make of all of this I am unsure. Some days I am really excited about going, and other days (specifically those i pick up honestly written narratives about Bombay) I am convinced we might be moving to some ring of hell on earth.
Still, I am learning a lot. I have found that I am going to need an illustrated guide to Hinduism because i have no idea which deities are which in statues and poems.
Yay for not knowing.
B